btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize