Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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