I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
