He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
