"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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