Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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