I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
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