Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
