New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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