Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I can text with my tongue
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
