I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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