As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
