i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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