I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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