the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
