the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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