i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Randomize
