Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
