Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
