This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I can text with my tongue
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
