We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
