Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
