She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
you made out with another girl for some wings
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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