I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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