i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
