Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
