what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize