I look better un-naked...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
