ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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