So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Randomize
