Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i would punch a child for taco bell
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize