You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
