I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
