He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
