i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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