right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I smell like Dick and happiness
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
