My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You smell like stripper and shame
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
