On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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