I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
