HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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