I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
