Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
and you fell through a lawn chair
wow bdsm is so cute
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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