and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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