Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
