Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
