You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
