we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize