After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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