made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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