Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I've blown a few things in my day
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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