I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize