Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
