I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
