and my herpes radar will keep us safe
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
