I'm laying in your front yard are you home
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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