and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
