A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize