Apparently you make a good broom.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
