tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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