Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Please don't give away my fajitas
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize