I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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