You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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