I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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