my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
