how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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