I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
