my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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