Screwed.edu
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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