I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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