He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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