I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
