I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
