he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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