did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Randomize
