she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
