life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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