my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
