I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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