the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
