Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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