Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
