i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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