Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I am one with the molecules
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
