Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My vagina is officially offended.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize