pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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