: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
