Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize