Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
you had me at cake vodka
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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