I hate all girls vehemently.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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