Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(973): View more from New Jersey

I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.

(1-973): View more from New Jersey

Guess she heard her killer coming

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(706): View more from Georgia

I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.

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(310): View more from California

He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great

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(615): View more from Tennessee

That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion

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(907): View more from Alaska

Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.

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(678): View more from Georgia

I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.

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(217): View more from Illinois

He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.

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