He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
