I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
