i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
