So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
