i'm signing you up for texting rehab
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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