So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
