she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize