Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
