i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize