Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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