he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
